Zack Vank Interview from Quesadilla Warrior
by Larry Wilden
QW: Thanks for agreeing to take this time with us.
ZV: No sweat.
QW: I guess, to get the obvious out of the way. Last year, you had a very successful season. You hit .321 with 12 home runs, 22 doubles, 6 triples, 74 RBIs, and you stole 24 bases, to boot.
ZV: My, well, when you put it like that, I guess I am pretty good, aren’t I?
QW: Well, we want to make sure you give yourself enough credit.
ZV: You’re really building me up, and it isn’t necessary. Anybody who’s going to read this probably wishes me the best anyhow.
QW: After the season you just wrapped up, how do you feel about the likelihood of you getting a shot in the majors?
ZV: Well, the Royals were pretty bad last year. I don’t say that to be rude, but I’m not going to come out and say, “they’re a few big trades away” and become the laughingstock of baseball fans everywhere. I think it’s important when you want to be a contributor, to help a team win, that you identify what the team’s weaknesses are. Last year, the Royals had quite a few. They didn’t pitch well, they didn’t hit all that well, the outfield defense was below average, and they didn’t have much team speed. I think I can help on three of those counts.
QW: You’re something of a late bloomer, as major league prospects go. At the time of this interview, you’re twenty-four years old, and you’ll be turning twenty-five in a couple months. Do you worry at all about how much more time you have to get your shot?
ZV: I don’t worry, no. I think the time I’ve spent in the minors is time well spent, even if I’d rather move on. Every now and then you see centerfielders who can play well as they age. If I can make the majors out of spring training this year, show them what I can do, I firmly believe I could play at least eleven or twelve years. Thirty six is a pretty good breakdown age, I think. If I could make it to the majors and hang with them till I’m thirty-six, I can’t complain if my body falls apart.
QW: Does it ever bother you when you see guys younger or less experienced than yourself pass you to the majors?
ZV: You really want me to say something nasty about someone, don’t you? No, I don’t resent it anymore. I used to think it was awful, cause I’d see a guy get called up his rookie year hitting .270, and here I am always hitting at least .300. But I realize now that it’s entirely possible for a .270 hitter to be more valuable than a .300 hitter. Power aside, if you can consistently spread your hits at around .270, that’s a good year. If I get three hits one day, and then go two games hitless, I might be hitting .300, but those two hitless games probably outweigh the three hit ones. The minors don’t make your best any better, they just make your worst serviceable to the point that you don’t hurt the team being out there.
QW: Is it true that you were a pretty good pitcher in high school?
ZV: Actually, no. Never pitched. I played all three outfield spots, and I also played shortstop every now and then.
QW: I’m sorry, our research staff told us you’d been a pitcher.
ZV: I’m sorry that I didn’t play along. I hope I haven’t landed your research guy in any hot water. There was, actually, a guy named Aaron Vank who pitched in the same school district a few years before me. Maybe you were thinking of him.
QW: No relation?
ZV: Nope, which is surprising, since I’ve never met another Vank besides him. He got booted off his team his junior year for doctoring the baseball with an unmentionable bodily fluid.
QW: Sounds like we ought to be interviewing him.
ZV: Maybe you should.
QW: One of the things that have endeared you to your fans is how well spoken you are, and your perceived honesty and willingness to be candid in a culture where playing “one game at a time” seems to be a cure-all.
ZV: Well, I’m pretty lazy, if that’s what you mean. I don’t put much effort into talking to people, so I’m pretty straightforward. Waffling or lying, then you have to put a ton of work into living that persona, and I don’t really care enough to live that kind of life.
QW: It must be somewhat difficult to author a novel while being, as you say, so lazy.
ZV: It most certainly is. You can have a look at the seven pages I’ve written over the past eight weeks, if that’s any indication.
QW: Anything you can tell us about the book?
ZV: Not really, to be honest.
QW: What about influences? Do you read other writers to inspire you?
ZV: I do read quite a bit, but never do I go looking for inspiration. I just finished reading “The Vet’s Daughter,” and I’m working on “American Psycho” right now. But, seeing as I’m not writing about living in fear of my boorish father, or cocaine hazy murder sprees in the 1980s, I don’t think it applies. I am a huge fan of the NBA blogs that Paul Shirley’s done, and I guess that’s a good example of an articulate, interesting athlete. I’m not writing about the sport I play, though, and I suck at basketball.
QW: What do you enjoy doing in your free time?
ZV: When I’m not being interviewed by Quesadilla Warrior, which is possibly the greatest publication of all time? I do normal things. See movies, play video games, go stargazing, go for a run.
QW: Any movies you recommend?
ZV: Not recently, to be honest. Haven’t been too impressed. Saw the Borat movie, that was terrible.
QW: Sacha Baron Cohen was actually supposed to do an interview with us last week, but he backed out.
ZV: Probably counting his money. That movie cleaned up.
QW: Do you consider yourself a conservative politically?
ZV: Not really, no.
QW: I was just curious if your distaste for the movie was a political sensibility.
ZV: Oh, no, not really. I mean, I just don’t find anything funny about unwitting rudeness. Intentional rudeness can be funny. Accidental rudeness as well. But the movie was that awkward silence kind of humor, but it isn’t awkward if Borat doesn’t know what the hell’s going on. It’s just an imposition for those around him.
QW: Well, we’ve run quite a gamut of topics with you. Is there anything you’d like to say to our readers?
ZV: Yeah, actually. A couple weeks ago, I lost a pair of new balance running shoes at a gym in
QW: Very well said, Mr. Vank. Thank you for your time.
ZV: It’s Zack, and you’re welcome anytime.
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